28 February 2009

Memory of a Lost Soul

I just wanted to take a moment to remember a lost soul. In June of 2007 I got my first positive pregnancy test. Chad and I had been trying since I went off birth control in January, and it took me until May just to get a period...so that first BFP (big fat positive) was a real blessing. I went to the the doctor to confirm my hCG hormone levels, and received the results while spending the weekend at Dana's family farm. That weekend I went fishing for the first time, and actually caught a fish! Needless to say, it was quite the happy weekend.

Sore boobs and a monsterous appitite abounded. I was a little nausious, but so long as I ate constantly it wasn't really too bad. My face glowed, and I found myself touching my stomach all the time, just thinking about what was growing in there. A few weeks later, I even got a peek. Baby had a healthy heartbeat and was growing on schedule. My official due date was March 4th, but I was hoping for a leap year baby. So around this time, we would have been celebrating said child's first birthday.

In late July I spent a weekend in Texas visiting my good friend Corey. We had a great weekend on the boat and just chillin. That Sunday morning I noticed I wasn't as hungry as usual and my boobs didn't hurt, but didn't think much of it. I had the tiniest little bit of blood, but assumed it was implantation blood. Still, I was horribly worried. Something just didn't feel right. Monday was fine. Tuesday I had another spot of blood and nearly flew to the doctor. Ultrasound confirmed my fears: my uterus was empty. My baby was gone. The miscarriage was one of the most emotionally draining and physically painful experiences I have ever had to indure. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

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